Tales From The Recycle Bin!
by SilverTiger1
Summary: A silly halloween fic. Have fun with it!


My e-mail's silvertig@yahoo.com

Pointless trivia: I wrote the first chunk of this about _three_ years ago and didn't stick it up because I always forgot to finish it before Halloween. But this year I finally made it. Huzzah!

Disclaimer: Everything from ReBoot is copyright Mainframe Entertainment. But I mean...Come on. How can you not know that if you're reading this? That would be silly. Enjoy!

Silv

***

Bob: Hi there! And welcome to the special "Halloween" episode of ReBoot! You'll notice, unless you're particularly good at missing the obvious, that most of the cast is wearing costumes!  
Dot: (Walking on) That's right! Tonight we'll - Bob, who are you dressed up as?  
Bob: It's a popular costume. Haven't you ever seen "Austin Powers 2"?  
Dot: Did you have to dress up as Felicity Shagwell?  
Bob: I look good in shorts.  
Dot: But maroon?  
Mouse: (Sauntering in) We on yet?  
Dot: Who're you being?  
Mouse: Ah'm Leela from Futurama!  
Dot: All you did was spray paint your hair purple and put on an eye patch.  
Mouse: Hey, it works.  


(Dot's decked out in a red southern-belle dress with piles of ruffles and lace and a parasol. She looks lovely. In contrast, Bob's tugging at his costume's shorts a bit and Mouse is trying to rub spray paint off her arm.)

Bob: Stupid, itchy -

(Hex pops on)

Hexadecimal: Hello!  
Mouse: Where's your costume?  
Hexadecimal: (Swishes a hand over her face and her mask changes to Jason's.) Boo!  
Bob: That's it?  
Hexadecimal: I also have this steak knife. (Obligingly waves it around)  
Dot: Hex, did you have to put fake blood on it? It's spraying over everything.  
Hexadecimal: _Fake_ blood?  
Megabyte: (Walking in) A rejected hockey player. What a stunning amount of effort that must have taken.  
Hexadecimal: (Annoyed face) And _your_ costume took such a lot of work? (Curious face!) What are you supposed to be anyhow? 

(Megabyte's body armor is a shiny black with green highlights when the light strikes it. He's also spikier!)

Megabyte: Oh go on, surely you can guess.  
Dot: You're Venom?  
Megabyte: No.  
Bob: The season 2 web version of you?  
Megabyte: Not a bad guess, but no.  
Mouse: A virus who had a can of black paint fall on his head and decided to go as an Alien?  
Megabyte: Yes, exact - no! Well all right, the lid was unscrewed...  
Dot: Where are Hack and Slash?  
Megabyte: I left them behind at the Tor. They get so excited about this holiday.  
Bob: You let them trick-ot-treat?  
Megabyte: Of course not.  
Bob: Then what do they...?

(A full shot of the Tor that tilts and zooms down to the bottom of the tower. A few little binomes in costume are slowly walking towards the front door. They're shoving each other and giggling nervously)

Binome #1: Okay okay, go on, ring it!  
Binome #2: You're sure Megabyte's gone?  
Binome #3: Yes!  
Binome #1: No one's here! Who's gonna-  
Shadowy Figure: BOO!

(A jet of water soaks them. The little binomes scream and run away sputtering, their shrieks eventually trailing off. Hack and Slash roll out from the pipes they were hiding behind.)

Hack: (Holding a hose) I _love_ this season!  
Slash: (Clapping his hands) I get the hose next time!  


***

Bob: Ah.   
Dot: Let's get started.   
Bob: Right! (We zoom in for a close-up. Light hits his face from below, giving it an eerie cast.) Tonight, we'd like to take you on a strange journey. One of madness and horror. One that will delve into your mind and hollow it out like a warmed up ice-cream scoop in melting rocky road. Dear readers! We present to you...(credits appear on the screen as he speaks)  


ReBoot: Tales from the Recycle Bin!

Megabyte: (Flatly) Recycle Bin?   
Bob: You find a better computer equivalent for graveyard, I'd like to hear it.  
Dot: That sounds awfully familiar. Did you take that from anywhere?  
Bob: Nah. And even so it's a pretty generic idea. I'm sure no one would notice if yet another fic used the term recycle bi -  


(A bunch of tentacles wrap around a startled Bob and whisk him off screen. We hear a scream that's suddenly cut off by a _glomp_)

Dot: Bob!  
Bob: Mfff mmmp!  
Webcreature: (Growls, then burps.)  
Megabyte: I thought I had you locked up!  
Bob: (Muffled) What just ATE me?  
Megabyte: Such an adorable little pet though isn't he? Aren't you now? (Pats the top of the creature's head)  
Mouse: (Peering at the tag) Timmy?  
Timmy: Gwwrrwl.  
Bob: (Muffled, moving around) I don't want to know what I just put my hands in.  
Timmy: (Whines uncomfortably at Bob's thrashing)  
Megabyte: I _told_ you to stop swallowing your food whole.  
Mouse: Hey kid, grab me a flashlight.

(Mouse sticks her head down a bemused Timmy's mouth as Enzo looks for a flashlight amid Bob's increasing cries of alarm. Megabyte can't stop chuckling. The camera pans over to a weary looking Dot)

Dot: And now our feature presentation.

***

(Spooky music!)

(Bob, Dot, Enzo and AndrAIa are driving along in Dot's car through a mountain pass. There's a few suitcases wedged between the kids in the back, along with Frisket hanging happily out the side.)

Bob: Wow! It's great that your relatively unknown aunt died and left us her creepy old house that we can use for a few cycles of vacation!  
Dot: It's just until I figure out what we should do with it. Maybe a hotel...  
Enzo: There it is!  


(They pull up to a fairly decrepit victorian mansion. Enzo and AndrAIa immediately scramble out of the car, Bob and Dot get out a bit more sedately.)

Bob: So does anyone live here at all?  
Dot: There's a groundskeeper looking after the place and my aunt's lawyer who wanted to meet us to sign a contract.   


(Dot grabs a few bags and walks up to the door with Bob. Setting them down she rings the bell. The door opens immediately and a person in a suit and tie answers it)

Dot: Hello! You must be Mr...  
Lawyer: (Smiling) Byte. Please, do come in.

(Dot smiles back politely and steps in. Bob has a puzzled look on his face.)

Bob: Don't I know you?  
Lawyer: (Looking shifty) I don't believe we've ever met.  
Bob: It's just that you look -- never mind.

(Bob walks in. Megabyte rolls his eyes then looks out into the front yard of the house.)

Megabyte: HEY!  
Enzo and AndrAIa: Huh?  
Megabyte: (Scowling) Would you kindly keep your pet _out_ of the cemetery?  
Enzo: Oh -- sorry. Frisket! Bad dog!   
Frisket: Groowlf?  
Enzo: Put that skull down!

(The two kids manage to drag the dog away)

Megabyte: (Acidly) THANK you. (Closes the door)

Enzo: Geeze. What a grouch.  
AndrAIa: Enzo, let us go explore the woods!  
Enzo: Sure. Hey look, there's even a signpost for trails over there.

(They wander up to it.)

Enzo: Let's see...we can either go to Deadman's Cliff, Blood Falls or Murderer's Meadow.  
AndrAIa: Let us try the meadow!  
Enzo: Okay!  


(And so like the innocent little victims they are, they scamper off into the forest. Meanwhile inside the house...)

(Bob, Dot and the 'family lawyer' are sitting at a table in a study with a fireplace roaring behind them. Megabyte's fingers are laced together as he rests them in front of a contract.)

Dot: So this is all I have to sign for the deed?  
Megabyte: (pushing it towards her) Indeed. And your, ah, young man needs to sign as a witness.  
Bob: Oh we're just friends.  
Dot: (Narrowing her eyes slightly.) Right. Just friends. (Shakes her head and picks up a pen) Well, everything seems in order. Where do I-  


(Suddenly a wind whips through the room making the papers flutter. Megabyte grabs for them as Dot and Bob look around in bewilderment.) 

Dot: What the-  
Bob: There aren't any windows open in here, are there?  
Megabyte: It's just some faulty weather stripping. I'm sure it can be replaced. Could you sign over-

(A loud slithering sound comes from what seems to be _in-between the walls_.)

Dot: Are those _rats_?   
Bob: In the walls?  
Megabyte: Ancient plumbing. First thing you should replace if you ask me. Now if you would be so good as to put your names on-  


(The temperature drops and whispers fill the room. Dot glares at Megabyte, suspicious.)

Dot: There isn't some sort of horrible _curse_ on this place, is there?  
Megabyte: (Hurt) Ms. Matrix, as your legal adviser don't you think I would have told you if fifteen young sprites had been brutally murdered with a blunt and rusty pick-axe and buried underneath this house's foundations three minutes ago _on this very night_?  
Dot: I guess so.  
Bob: Let's sign!  


(They do!)

Megabyte: Wonderful! Now that that's settled I believe I'll be going. Do enjoy your stay. (leaves)  
Bob: Well that went pretty smoothl-  


(They jump as a burst of maniacal laughter comes from Megabyte down the hall. Bob and Dot look at each other uneasily. The laughter continues until it's finally cut off as we hear the front door slammed shut.) 

Bob: Wow. He enjoys his job.

***

(Meanwhile in the meadow...Enzo and AndrAIa are kicking around a soccer ball, running through a stream laughing, lying down in the grass and making out shapes in the clouds...)

Enzo: (Sighing) What a great place.  
AndrAIa: I like how there's no sign of evil!  


(Wait. Crap she's right, I forgot to change sets. Hold on.)

Enzo: No no, we're OK with -

(Enzo and AndrAIa are now in a misty clearing surrounded by skeletal trees and thick brambles)

Enzo: Aww. For a moment I thought we'd get out of this alive.  
AndrAIa: This looks a little spooky, but how is it terrifying?

(Suddenly a lumbering figure crashes into the clearing, snarling unpleasantly at them.)

Enzo and AndrAIa: AAAAAHHHH!  
Mouse: Where's that danged TRAIL? Ah just take ONE wrong turn in these woods and...  
Enzo and AndrAIa: AAAAAAAHHHH!  
Mouse: (Noticing the pair of huddled sprites) Oh hey! Don't worry darlins-it's just me, Groundskeeper Mouse!  
Enzo and AndrAIa: AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!  
Mouse: Oh stop it.  
Enzo: Look _BEHIND_ you!  
Mouse: What the- (looks) RUN!  


(They do, tearing through the undergrowth in haste. A lone figure stands in the clearing.)

Mike the TV: What? Is about the time I showed the Rocky Binome Picture Show five times in a row last Halloween? I promise not to dress up this time!

***

(Dot and Bob are unpacking inside a guestroom. Bob takes out a bag with a toothbrush and comb inside it.)

Bob: Where's the washroom?  
Dot: Just down the hall and to the right.  
Bob: Thanks.

(He walks off. A moment later we hear a running faucet)

Bob: (Off screen) Dot?  
Dot: Hmm?  
Bob: Is this water supposed to be red?  
Dot: Must be the piping.  
Bob: I guess.

(Enzo and AndrAIa come thundering up the stairs as Bob comes back...)

Enzo and AndrAIa: BobDotthere'ssomethinghorribleonthewoods-  
Dot: (Concerned) What is it?  
Mouse: (Following them) Well we just met-  
Bob: AAAUUUGGGH!  
Mouse: (Wearily) Ah, stop it.  
Dot: So you're the groundskeeper?  
Mouse: Aye! Ah mean, yeah. Ah'm Mouse. Ah've been here for a few cycles just doing routine maintenance. Hedge clippin', roof retilin', exorcisms...  
Dot: Well that's -- _Exorcisms_?  
Mouse: Oh yeah. Yew gotta have one every minute in your standard sized secluded houses. Otherwise the psychic energy goes nuts.  
Dot: (Smiling brightly) That's...just great! I'm the new owner, Dot Matrix. I'm sure we'll get along.  
Mouse: (Eyeing Bob who's whistling while laying out his clothes) Hmm?

(Dot narrows her eyes. Fortunately the lights suddenly blink out and we're spared the conflict.)

Mouse: Dang! We must've blown a fuse. Ah'll go reset 'em. (Walks out)  
Bob: Well, looks like the rest of us should all go to bed.  
Enzo: But it's only 6:30.  
Bob: Look the sooner we get to sleep the sooner we can be attacked in a clichéd and hackneyed manner by some sort of ghoul and have an excuse to get out of here.  
AndrAIa: But then why do we not just leave now?  
Dot: You heard Bob. Time for bed!  
Enzo: But-  
Dot: No buts. Bed.

(The lights flicker back on. Enzo and AndrAIa exchange frightened looks)

***

(Later, a few hours after the sun has set...)

AndrAIa: (Whispering) Enzo?  
Enzo: Yeah?  
AndrAIa: I can not fall asleep.  
Enzo: Me neither.   
AndrAIa: Listen!  
Enzo: What?  
AndrAIa: Do you hear that?

(They listen. There's tapping coming from the window. Nervously, the children sit up in bed. Finally Enzo gulps and pulls aside the curtain to see a tall cowled figure looming over them.) 

Enzo: AH!

(The figure stops tapping on the glass and waves.)

Enzo: AHHHHH! 

(AndrAIa waves back.)

Enzo: AAHHHHHHHHHH- (Pauses to breathe) 

(The figure makes motions indicating someone should open up the window. AndrAIa does so while Enzo's recovering)

AndrAIa: Hello.  
Cowled Figure: Good evening! I'm the mansion's former tenant, and I'm afraid that in my rush to pack up before you came I may have left a large tome somewhere in the house. Have you come across it by any chance?  
Enzo: Why are you asking us in the middle of the _night_?  
AndrAIa: What does it look like?  
Dot: (Her voice travels down the hall) Enzo? AndrAIa? Who are you talking to?  
Enzo: (Relieved) Dot! A mysterious cloaked figure with red splatters on his clothes showed up at our window!  
AndrAIa: He wants his book! 

(Enzo digs further underneath his covers)

Dot: (Yawning, walking into the room) A book?  
Bob: (Following Dot) What does it look like?  
Cloaked Figure: Decorated with foreign runes, it would be bound with flayed sprite skin and written in the blood of fallen -  
Bob: Oh, _that_ book. Hold on. Here you go!  
Cloaked Figure: At last! I - could you explain why there are there are _stains_ on this?  
Dot: Bob was using it as a coaster.   
Bob: The oak table looked too expensive to put glasses on.  
Cloaked figure: I...see.  
Bob: Well, it did!  
Cloaked Figure: (sighing) Thank you anyhow. Good night. 

(The figure leaves as Enzo sits stunned in bed)

Enzo: You just gave a book with tiny skulls sew onto the front cover to a complete stranger! How sleepy ARE you?  
AndrAIa: I thought he was nice.  
Dot: (Stifling a yawn) Enzo, just because I've been working 22 hour days lately doesn't mean the lack of sleep will impair my judgment whatsoever. And it's back to bed you two!  
Enzo: But he could be-  
Dot: (Tucks Enzo in and plants a kiss on his cheek) No excuses for staying up late today. Bed.   
Enzo: But-  
Dot: (Firmly) Good night! 

(Dot walks out and softly closes the door. Crickets chirp. A few minutes later evil and distorted sounding chanting coming from the graveyard floats through the window)

Enzo: I'm not getting any sleep tonight, am I?  
AndrAIa: (Snores)

***

(We pan over to a view of the family graveyard. The book is glowing a ghastly green, floating in the air in front of the cowled figure.)

Cowled Figure: At last! Little did those fool sprites suspect that I was forbidden to remove any arcane artifacts from the grounds. But now thanks to the unsuspecting dolts, I have a book of unholy power in my grasp! 

(The figure throws off its robes to reveal its true identity so the author can stop typing the words Cowled Figure over and over again)

Megabyte: (Brandishing the tome in one hand) Behold! The fabled Necronomicon! (Lowering it) Although if he knew about this story HP Lovecraft would surely be turning in his grave…  
HP Lovecraft: (muffled) I surely would if your weight weren't on it.  
Megabyte: (Looking down) Oh. I beg your pardon.   
HP Lovecraft: (muffled) You know what would be thrilling? If you said "Hastur" three times in a row.  
Megabyte: (Ignoring him) With this grimoire's power in my hands, I shall raise entire   
armies of the undead to do my bidding! (Throws back his head and begins to laughs maniacally)

Bob: (Pulling aside the front room curtain) He's really happy about something.  
Dot: Why in the Net is my dead aunt's lawyer standing in the graveyard at midnight waving around a book?  
Mouse: Ah'm still trying to figure out who he's talking to.  
Enzo: (Running up) It's Megabyte!   
Bob: Are those fuzzy _ducks_ on your pajamas?  
Enzo: Uhm...  
AndrAIa: (Happily) Dot got me the ones with bunnies.  
Enzo: (Quickly ReBooting into his normal outfit) It's Megabyte out there! He was your lawyer and the guy at the window and now he's going to do something horrible to us all!  
Bob: (Squinting) Hey, it IS Megabyte. How'd we miss that?  
Mouse: He looks a different when he's wearing a tie.  
Dot: Why can't he plan his own vacations for once instead of tagging along?

(The wind starts to pick up to an alarming degree)

Enzo: What's he _doing_?  
AndrAIa: Well, it is only a book. What can he accomplish with a-

(The earth in front of the gravestones suddenly fountains up. Ghoulish figures slowly pull themselves out of their graves while Meggy treats himself to a fresh round of evil laughter)

AndrAIa: ...oh.  
Mouse: Ah'll get the Holy Water.  
Enzo: (Bitterly) This wouldn't have happened if anyone had checked up on their standard horror clichés.  
AndrAIa: So which one is this?  
Enzo: The small panicking child is always right!  
Dot: Less talk, more shoving furniture against the door.

(We hear glass crashing and a zombie's head flies into the room) 

Dot: And windows.

(Suddenly, in a burst of light, Hexadecimal appears)

Hexadecimal: Hello! The system has been so _dull_ lately. Phong told me that you had all gone away for a while to leave all your troubles behind and that you needed peace and quiet!   
Bob: So you _followed_ us?

(A zombie manages to punch its fist through the wood of the front door)

Hexadecimal: You call this peaceful?  
Dot: Fair enough.  
Hexadecimal: (Happy face) Anyway, I knew you'd want the company!  
Dot: That's it. I'm booking a vacation package for both viruses next year.  
Bob: Are you sure that's a good idea?  
Dot: _Separate_ vacation packages.  
Bob: Ah. (Coughs) So, Hex...we'd love to stay and talk but we're kind of busy fighting off all these zombies...  
Hexadecimal: (Switches to her teary mask) Oh dear. (Happier mask) Should I get rid of them?  
Bob: It'd HELP.  
Hexadecimal: Well then. Let me! (Raises her arms)  
Dot: Are you sure this is such a good idea?  
Bob: Ground outside is pretty damp. She can't burn ALL of it.  
Mouse: Ahm' hiding behind the couch right now.  
Hexadecimal: Just a moment and then-

(beep!)

Hexadecimal: (Suddenly lowering her hands and looking at a wrist) Ooh, but Buffy's on!  
Dot: But-  
Hexadecimal: I'd love to stay but I have to go make that binome from Radioshack set my VCR for me. See you! 

(Vanishes)

Mike the TV: Uh oh.  
Bob: (Accusingly) You're the one who got her hooked on that show!  
Mike the TV: You said I should take her mind off things!  
Bob: ...Did we just steal that last bit with Hex leaving us for a TV show from somewhere else?  
Mike the TV: (Looking shifty) Noooo. No of _course_ not.

(The zombies burst through the door. Bob steps between the ghoulish horde and his friends)

Bob: I'll distract them while you find some cover!  
Dot: Bob! You can't-  
Bob: Glitch! Uh. Anti...zombie...thing!

(SPLORCH!)

Dot: Yuck.  
Enzo: Five at one time! Pixelacious!

(Experimentally, Mouse shoves a ghoul back with one hand. It staggers and falls back into the crowd. The undead start to mill around uncertainly) 

Enzo: Hey...these things aren't actually very tough, are they?  
Mouse: (Swatting away a hand attached to a zombie mumbling something about brains) They're as weak as kittens!  
Mike the TV: I guess in all the eldritch horror we forgot we were fighting century old skeletons that have nearly completely rotted through.  
Bob: Huh.   
Dot: Imagine that.  
AndrAIa: So what do we do?

(Frisket growls deep in his throat and the zombies definitely appear to sense that something's wrong...)

Mouse: (Drawing her sword) Get 'em!

(After a very brief and one-sided battle...the front yard is a mess. Zombie body parts are littered everywhere. Limbs, heads, bits and pieces...one even looks like it's been blown up.)

Megabyte: Oh cursors.  
Dot: That was almost sad.  
Bob: What are you going to do NOW Megabyte?  
Megabyte: (Sourly) Wonder why I can't find any henchmen that don't fall apart when prodded gently.  
Enzo: I got six of them with a stick!  
Bob: What kind of villain throws hordes of zombies at bunch of sprites when it'd be easier just to get them all in their sleep anyhow?

(Megabyte looks intrigued all of a sudden)

Bob: It's just ridiculous. You have two sets of claws for user's sake. You could probably chase us around the mansion and try to stab us to death too, that would work well.  
Enzo: Um, Bob?  
Bob: It's a lot more direct, and it's not like there's any help or many defensible places to run to. Why I bet you could bury our corpses in the back and have no one find us for _hundreds_ of years. If ever!  
Mouse: Bob...  
Bob: I'm just saying you could have planned it a lot better.  
Mike the TV: Bob!  
Bob: What?

(_Shing_)

Dot: I think he's taken your advice to heart.  
Megabyte: Well go on, do run. I'll be right behind you. 

(Terrified running commences!)

Enzo: We're all (gasp) doomed!  
Bob: He's gaining! We should split up, letting him track us down one by one like rats!  
AndrAIa: Something in that idea (pant) bothers me!  
Bob: Look, we're the good guys. We'll split up, have a few harrowing escapes and defeat him in a climatic battle.  
Dot: That IS what usually happens.  
Bob: It's not like Megabyte will actually win!

(Five minutes later)

Ghost Dot: Unless this is one of those alternate reality Halloween stories where something horrible happens to the heroes at the end.  
Ghost Bob: (Sheepishly) Sorry.

(Megabyte chuckles)

Ghost Bob: Hey! Stop dragging my corpse in the mud!  
Megabyte: So sorry. It's just terribly cumbersome and...oh dear. Stuck in the drainage ditch again.  
Ghost Bob: (Bitterly) I'm haunting you first.  
Ghost Dot: Get in line.  
Ghost AndrAIa: Where ARE we?  
Ghost Mike the TV: This doesn't look like Silicon Heaven to _me_!  
Ghost Bob: I think we're stuck in limbo until someone puts our souls to rest.  
Ghost Mouse: What would set us a peace?  
Ghost Dot: Probably avenging our deaths or giving our bodies a decent burial...  
Megabyte: Now. Would you like to be tossed into the swamp or thrown into the river?  
Ghost Bob: Avenging our deaths it is.  
Ghost Dot: (Resigned) Swamp please.

(And spooky music plays again, as we reach the happily morbid end!)

***

Timmy and that "bit with Hex" kidnapped and stolen, with many thanks, from CPFace's Adventures of Boot! Available at all discerning fanfic websites such as Juliacat's ReBoot Corner. He was a lot of fun to work with, and we hope we'll be seeing Timmy again here in the future!

Bob: (Muffled) No we don't!  
Timmy: (Growls, scratches his stomach idly with a few tentacles)  
Bob: (Muffled) Stop it, that tickles.


End file.
